‘How could you keep this from me?’: Man Admits 4 Years into the Relationship that He Will Never Move In With His Girlfriend

Author image for Eleonora Bader
Eleonora Bader
Aug 15, 2023 3:00 PM EDT

Miscommunication is running rampant in relationships these days, and if nothing more, this story is a lesson to us all: communicate with your partner! When you begin dating someone, you have a mental checklist of sorts, and they either mark the boxes you have organized, color-coded, and assembled in your brain, or they do not. In this case, a woman was with her boyfriend for nearly five years when she found out that living with dogs was a dealbreaker for him, despite knowing she had one the entire time.

Now, to be totally fair, I don't think that he is a terrible person. Either one of them could have brought it up at some time or another. After all, they had FOUR years to do so. It would not be entirely fair to blame only him. Still, the situation sucks, and I can understand why she is so upset. Scroll down to read what happened, and then, check out these cartoon memes for ladies who say 'no' to monogamy.

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  • 01
    Font - Posted by u/rabbischmooleyishot 11 hours ago ņ Partner of 4 1/2 Years Just Told Me He Won't Live With My Dog
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 02
    Font - I am just floored. I have a golden retriever who is the best behaved dog in the entire neighborhood. No behavioral issues. No barking no destruction - well mannered and fantastic. Like so many goldens are.
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 03
    Font - My boyfriend moved to my neighborhood a few years ago and we are within walking distance of each other. I take my dog with me every time. He keeps snacks there for him when we walk in. Has never acted mean or nasty to my dog - no negative
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 04
    Font - comments at all to me the entire time we have been together. I have been bringing up moving in together recently. While we are in the same neighborhood we never stay nights together as I would
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 05
    Font - have to bring dog things over and he has a medical issue that he needs to tend to sometimes at night. So we have gotten in the habit of spending evenings together and returning to our homes for ease of daily life.
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 06
    Font - However, it is beginning to wear on me - this back and forth between the homes which is complicating doing 'life together' and costing double as we both have households.
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 07
    Font - We are older and married before and neither in the market for remarrying - however living together was on my radar. No indication that this was not a committed long term relationship. No major problems. I have created a
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 08
    Font - family with him and his children. He drops on me a few weeks ago that he will never live with a dog. You could have picked me up with a spatula off the floor. Did NOT see that coming AT ALL. He says he likes my dog and that is
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 09
    Font - not the problem. It's the 'stuff' that comes with the dog. The bowls, the dog bed, the food storage, hair, dog smell, stair treads, etc. He is not a neat freak and his home is not spotless and he does have clutter - his level of house clean is the same as
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 10
    Font - mine. I have a house cleaner that comes twice a month to my home and would continue to do so living together as it is upkeep for a having a dog. The same cleaner cleans his home monthly.
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 11
    Font - I am just in shock. I cannot believe he has kept this from me the entire time we have been together. It's not like I hid my dog - he's been in the picture the entire time. What is bothersome is this feels very firm on his end, not even open to talking how to
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 12
    Font - work through this. He has been so amenable with other items or smaller struggles we have worked through in the past listens well, attends to me, understanding, etc.
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 13
    Font - davidstighansen · 11 hr. ago Lady, if the dude wanted to move in with you, he'd do it. He's using a pre-existing hurdle as an excuse. Either keep living apart or break up. 1.7k Reply Share
    via u/davidstighansen
  • 14
    Font - Nik-ohki · 5 hr. ago I (M) can definitely comment on this one as I feel I am uniquely qualified here. I've never had dogs, never wanted dogs, even had passively loathed the idea of all that slobber, smell and
    via u/Nik-ohki
  • 15
    Font - poop and pee. Needless to say, I am not a "dog person". (Cats though, love'm to bits). And, much like your situation, I am the one with kids. Anyways, when I met my now life partner (F), she had a dog, and what a dog... He
    via u/Nik-ohki
  • 16
    Font - is an XL 95lb black lab/dane mix. So not only does he have energy, he has dane jowls. So not only does he smell, run, jump, drool, and poop/pee like a dog, he does it like a helluva dog. At first, I was very wary about him. I never dealt with that sorta
    via u/Nik-ohki
  • 17
    Font - creature my entire life, and now there's a good al chance of doing just that and doing it at an XL level. But guess what, I really cared about her. I wanted to be with her, and her to be with me. So I resolved within myself to work on it. And I
    via u/Nik-ohki
  • 18
    Font - can definitely tell you it didn't happen overnight. Nothing worthwhile ever does, amirite? There was a lot of elbow rubbing, bumping shoulders, and readjustments. But now we have: my 2 kids, 2 cats, and not 1 but 2 dogs. And I love
    via u/Nik-ohki
  • 19
    Font - them all). And she loves them all too. If your dude really cared about you, he would at least, at the *very* least, deeply consider and imagine life with you and your pet(s), much like how I imagine you do/did with him and his kids. It's the most
    via u/Nik-ohki
  • 20
    Font - basic of expected considerations and signs of respect to acknowledge and accept the other person and *everything that comes with that person, before moving forward in a serious manner.
    via u/Nik-ohki
  • 21
    Font - So believe me when I say, if he waited all this time just to tell you he "can't" move in together because of something as integral to you as your beloved pet, it means he never really considered being with you forever to begin with, and hasn't all the way until now (to which the
    via u/Nik-ohki
  • 22
    Font - conclusion he ultimately came to was "no"). I'm so sorry he wasted your time like this... Also just for the record, our 2 dogs are both super cool and
    via u/Nik-ohki
  • 23
    Font - friendly with others both 2 and 4 legged. They are very good dogs! 495 Reply Share rabbischmooleyishot OP. 4 hr. ago Thank you for sharing your story and how you
    via u/Nik-ohki, u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 24
    Font - chose to adapt your life for your partner. That took a lot for you to do, but you love and care about your partner so it was important to and for you. Kudos to you and your family of people and pets :-) It sounds like a splendid mix!
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 25
    Font - My fear is what you articulated. If he waited all this time to tell me that he never considered being with me for forever to begin with. Yes, this is what is landing with me hard. I can't believe he
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot
  • 26
    Font - made me believe this has been a serious relationship. I am grappling with this waste of time ... again, just so shocked. 236 Reply Share
    via u/rabbischmooleyishot

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boyfriend long term relationship wholesome pet ownership dogs living together long-term-commitment moving in dog owner relationships girlfriend doggo love dating couple
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